Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN