If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLINIf we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLINThe IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLINI’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLINHonesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLINIf all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLINLife gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLINI’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLINPardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLINSome people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLINConservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLINEveryone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLINInside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLINScratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN