The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
-
-
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Is there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLIN -
It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN