Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN