People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Religion is just mind control.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN -
I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN -
What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLIN -
How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLIN