Electricity is really just organized lightning.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone smiles in the same language.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN