Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN







