So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN