Life is tough, then you die.
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
GEORGE CARLIN