The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLIN