What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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Always do whatever’s next.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN