If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLINIf all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLINAlways do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLINNever argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLINReligion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
GEORGE CARLINInside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
GEORGE CARLINThe reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLINA good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
GEORGE CARLINIf someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLINThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINI’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINSometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLINJust when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
GEORGE CARLIN