If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
GEORGE CARLINIt’s never just a game when you’re winning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLIN