I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s never just a game when you’re winning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN







