People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s never just a game when you’re winning.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN