The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINAlways do whatever’s next.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN