If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLINIf a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN