If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLINThere are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLIN