Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
More George Carlin Quotes
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN