I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLIN







