If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
GEORGE CARLIN -
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN -
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN