Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
More George Carlin Quotes
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN