Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
More George Carlin Quotes
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Life is tough, then you die.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLIN