A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLINAlthough the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN