Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLINIf all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
More George Carlin Quotes
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The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN