Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLINThe planet is fine. The people are fucked.
More George Carlin Quotes
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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Religion is just mind control.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN