The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINThe God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
More George Carlin Quotes
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
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Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other’s picture.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
GEORGE CARLIN