People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINWith the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
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May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLIN -
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Always do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLIN -
I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN







