Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINWith the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN