There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
GEORGE CARLINIt’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
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If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
GEORGE CARLIN