Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINThe only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
GEORGE CARLIN