May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINMay the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
GEORGE CARLINPeople who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLINPeople love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINNever argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
GEORGE CARLINThe main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
GEORGE CARLINA house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLINPardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLINThe most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
GEORGE CARLINLife is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
GEORGE CARLINNever underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLINA cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
GEORGE CARLINSometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLINPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINI’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
GEORGE CARLINI have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN