“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”

You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.

It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.

I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.

The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

If people around you aren’t going anywhere, if their dreams are no bigger than hanging out on the corner, or if they’re dragging you down, get rid of them.

The important thing is this Just because I’m doing well doesn’t mean that they’re going to do well if they get HIV. A lot of people have died since I have announced. This disease is not going anywhere.

I want to be anywhere in the world that I’m needed. I want to spread a message of peace and love throughout the world.

To live anywhere in the world today and be against equality because of race or color is like living in Alaska and being against snow.

Growing up, I never really felt like anything was my own. I moved a lot, and I never belonged anywhere.

We’re special because dreams that are impossible anywhere else, come true here. That’s not just my story. That’s your story. That’s our story.

Perhaps they were right putting love into books. Perhaps it could not live anywhere else.

I didn’t fit in anywhere when I grew up, but I was always American, so to survive,