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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

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Bad Cigar Depend Good Handle Happiness Much Woman

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
GEORGE BURNS

Drink Drunk Fourteenth Remember Take Thirteen Trouble
I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Fidteenm Cigar Hold Smoke Something
I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Anywhere Please Simple
This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two.
GEORGE BURNS

Book Guy Raed Sixth Two Written
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS

All Bad Country Cut Hair Know People Run Taxicab Too
It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS

Anywhere Eight Good Here Ninty
Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS

Bad Busy Country Cut Drive Hair Know People Run Taxicab
I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
GEORGE BURNS

Better Failure Hate Honesty Something Success
If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
GEORGE BURNS

And Bad Enough Good IT Pay Script
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
GEORGE BURNS

Another Care City Close Family Happiness Knit Large Love
I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
GEORGE BURNS

Age No Out Women Worth
If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
GEORGE BURNS

Ask Avoid Important Longevity Most Say Single Tension
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS

Access Failure Hate Rather Something
It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
GEORGE BURNS

Aur Change Clean Dirty Hard Remember These Used
How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS

Book Die How
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS

Came Down Everything Goes Time Up When
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
GEORGE BURNS

Boy Dead Only Sea Sick
You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS

Fake Got Honest That Trouble
Don’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
GEORGE BURNS

Bed Make Money Stay
I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
GEORGE BURNS

One Spent Sunday Town Year
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
GEORGE BURNS

Begining Close End Good Have Possible Secret Together
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Finally First Forget Name Net Pull Zipper
You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
GEORGE BURNS

Down Else Get Stoop While Wonder
I look to the future because that’s where I’m going to spend the rest of my life.
GEORGE BURNS

Because Future Go Life Look Rest Spend
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
GEORGE BURNS

Age Cigar Holder Just Now Put Thrill
At my age flowers scare me.
GEORGE BURNS

Age At Flower My Scare
I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS

Believe Besides Book Die Down Exist New Now

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