If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
GEORGE BURNSDon’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
More George Burns Quotes
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.
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The most important thing in acting is honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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Be quick to learn and wise to know.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.
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I can’t afford to die; I’d lose too much money.
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Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
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If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn’t ask me, I’d still have to say it.
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Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNS -
It’s good to be here. At 98, it’s good to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.
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At my age flowers scare me.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS -
Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.
GEORGE BURNS -
I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate.
GEORGE BURNS -
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
GEORGE BURNS -
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
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If it’s a good script I’ll do it. And if it’s a bad script, and they pay me enough, I’ll do it.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
GEORGE BURNS -
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
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How can I die? I’m booked.
GEORGE BURNS