If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHERTo those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
BILL MAHER