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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

Bill Maher

At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER

Institution Mental Move Point Time
I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER

Dangerous Ideas Sin Yourself
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHER

Animal Dog Home Love Myself Reason World
Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
BILL MAHER

Progress Religion Society
We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
BILL MAHER

Fun Joke Religion
There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
BILL MAHER

God Live Money Ourselves Trust
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHER

Break Home Right Shoot Trade Yourself
Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
BILL MAHER

Admire Critical Faith Purpose Suspense Thinking
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
BILL MAHER

Himself Name Obvious
The Drug War is an addiction, really.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Drug War
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book Coffee Company Depression Fight History People Reading Time Tough
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHER

Complain Noise Opportunity People
The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
BILL MAHER

Food Home President Teaching Time Visit White Yourself
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER

Advantage Atheist Time Yourself
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER

Office People Silence Talk
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER

Conform Country Need People Talk
In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
BILL MAHER

Average Goodness Need People Society Yourself
They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHER

Ban Bed Myself People Smoking
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER

God Man Myself Need Religion
It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
BILL MAHER

American Better Education People Stupidity Worst
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
BILL MAHER

End Happy News Offering People William
I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHER

Ancient Atheist Man Myth Religion Story Thinking
In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER

Government Hospital Party Politics Profit Socialism
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER

Bible Constitution People Problem
I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religious

The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.

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Popular Authors

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