We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
BILL MAHERIn this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER