Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHERAt some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
More Bill Maher Quotes
-
-
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER -
The Drug War is an addiction, really.
BILL MAHER -
Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER -
False hope really makes you cynical.
BILL MAHER -
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER -
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER -
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
BILL MAHER -
Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
BILL MAHER -
God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
BILL MAHER -
We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
BILL MAHER -
Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
BILL MAHER -
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER -
Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
BILL MAHER -
They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHER -
If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
BILL MAHER -
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHER -
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER -
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
BILL MAHER -
You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER -
Death is nature’s way of killing you.
BILL MAHER -
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER -
The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER -
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHER -
I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
BILL MAHER -
Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
BILL MAHER -
You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHER