Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHERI feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
BILL MAHER -
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
BILL MAHER -
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHER -
Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER -
When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER -
If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
BILL MAHER -
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
BILL MAHER -
Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHER -
It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
BILL MAHER -
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER -
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
BILL MAHER -
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER -
When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
BILL MAHER -
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHER -
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER