Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHERIn Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHER