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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.

Bill Maher

I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER

Death Move Myself Suicide Traffic
If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER

Against Gay Sexuality Yourself
One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
BILL MAHER

Advantage Atheist Time Yourself
Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
BILL MAHER

Control Government Myself Ourselves Statement
The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
BILL MAHER

Act Myself Pretend Sexuality Understand
Men are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHER

Loyalty Man Option
Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER

Death Myself Possession Power Promise
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER

Country Guilty Wealth Yourself
We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
BILL MAHER

Day Herself Mad Nation Speech Tragedy Weapon
I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHER

Feeling Myself Shoes Stand Wear
Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
BILL MAHER

Curiosity Interesting Myself People Wonder
Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
BILL MAHER

Love Place War Yourself
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHER

Game Injustice Rival Sport Unfair Yourself
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
BILL MAHER

Debate Right Science Subject Vote
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER

Himself Intention Object Room Strange Way
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER

Boy Embrace History Ideas Low Slow Technology
That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
BILL MAHER

Connection Greatness Internet Network
Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
BILL MAHER

Attention Country Pay Stupidity
False hope really makes you cynical.
BILL MAHER

Fake Feeling Hope Yourself
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER

Bible Constitution People Problem
Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
BILL MAHER

Dance Popular Stardom
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER

Constituency Crazy Politics
I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
BILL MAHER

Disorder Faith Flying Initiative Plane Thinking
Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER

Big Ideas Myself Woman
I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.
BILL MAHER

Myself Religious

Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.

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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.

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Popular Authors

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