Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHERReligion is insanity by consensus.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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The problem is that the people with the most ridiculous ideas are always the people who are most certain of them.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER