You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHERIf you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
BILL MAHER -
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
BILL MAHER -
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
BILL MAHER -
We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER -
There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHER -
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
BILL MAHER -
We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER -
The “Power of One” is a slogan–not a goal.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
BILL MAHER -
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER -
When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
BILL MAHER -
Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER