Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHERIf you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
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Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER