Denying racism is the new racism.
BILL MAHERThe Drug War is an addiction, really.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
BILL MAHER