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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

Bill Maher

Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER

Big Ideas Myself Woman
America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
BILL MAHER

Dog Explanation Issues Myself Sorry Understand
That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
BILL MAHER

Connection Greatness Internet Network
Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
BILL MAHER

Black People Politics See Stage
Denying racism is the new racism.
BILL MAHER

New Race Trend
Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheist Definition Idiot Position Religion Sex
People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
BILL MAHER

Activist People Sexuality Stop
Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
BILL MAHER

Call Celebration Fake Fools Ourselves People
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Amendment Design Issues Myself Politics Specific
At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
BILL MAHER

Institution Mental Move Point Time
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
BILL MAHER

Appearance Courage Coward Stupidity
As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
BILL MAHER

Believe Life Path True
I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
BILL MAHER

Children Expectation Feel Mistake Rocket Terrible Yourself
I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
BILL MAHER

Communalism Compare Human Hypocrisy Marriage Nature
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER

Himself Intention Object Room Strange Way
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHER

Break Home Right Shoot Trade Yourself
Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
BILL MAHER

God Man Quit Suicide Way Yourself
Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHER

Arab Date Goodness Man Result Talk Woman
You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
BILL MAHER

Democracy Donate Money Yourself
I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHER

Feeling Myself Shoes Stand Wear
To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHER

Alive Animal Experiment Father Live Myself People Trade
Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
BILL MAHER

Big Ego Face Himself Problem Worship
Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER

Atheism Position Religion Sex
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
BILL MAHER

End Happy News Offering People William
The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER

Friendship Ideas Lover Man Treat Woman Yourself
It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
BILL MAHER

American Better Education People Stupidity Worst

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.

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