You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
BILL MAHERPeople have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
More Bill Maher Quotes
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER