If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHERI don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
BILL MAHER