If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
BILL MAHERYou know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Denying racism is the new racism.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
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If you believe that the world is going to come to an end – and perhaps any day now – does it not drain one’s motivation to improve life on earth while we’re here?
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
BILL MAHER