black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

Bill Maher

If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
BILL MAHER

Against Gay Sexuality Yourself
Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
BILL MAHER

Check Funny People Support
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER

Conform Country Need People Talk
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER

Brilliant Ourselves People Stupidity True
The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
BILL MAHER

Addiction Amendment Design Issues Myself Politics Specific
Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
BILL MAHER

Break Home Right Shoot Trade Yourself
Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
BILL MAHER

Game Injustice Rival Sport Unfair Yourself
The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
BILL MAHER

Angry Generation Machine Question Young
If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
BILL MAHER

Enterprise Religious Rich Sales Start Yourself
The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
BILL MAHER

Animal Dog Home Love Myself Reason World
Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
BILL MAHER

Apology Crazy Himself Identity Wrong
To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHER

Alive Animal Experiment Father Live Myself People Trade
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER

Himself Intention Object Room Strange Way
It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
BILL MAHER

American Better Education People Stupidity Worst
I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
BILL MAHER

Police Religious Reminder Understand
In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
BILL MAHER

Bad Connection Ideas Justify Kind Religious Tolerance Yourself
Religion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHER

Consensus Religion Sanity
You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
BILL MAHER

Difference People Prayer Religious Warm Yourself
If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
BILL MAHER

Bank Funny Gun Weapon Yourself
Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them.
BILL MAHER

Better Complain Man Start Taste Woman
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER

Build Fly People Plane Progress Religion Stop Thinking
If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER

Book History Reading Thinking Tough Yourself
Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHER

Conservatism Honesty Liberal Myself Politics Spin
The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
BILL MAHER

Act Myself Pretend Sexuality Understand
A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
BILL MAHER

Fertilizer Perfume Woman Yourself
I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
BILL MAHER

Death Move Myself Suicide Traffic
Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
BILL MAHER

Hot Man Reading Stop Thinking Woman World

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Maher Quotes