Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHERI don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.
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Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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Sex is too easy for women to get, and too hard for men. I mean, honestly, for a man to walk into someplace and have every woman ready to take him home, he’d have to rule the world. A woman would have to do her hair.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
BILL MAHER -
What is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
BILL MAHER