“You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.”

A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.

If you think you have it tough, read history books.

Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!

Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?

Denying racism is the new racism.

I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.

Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?

Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.

You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!

It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.

Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Each one of us matters, has a role to play, and makes a difference. Each one of us must take responsibility for our own lives, and above all, show respect and love for living things around us, especially each other.

The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid.

An education isn’t how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It’s being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don’t.

The eternal difference between right and wrong does not fluctuate, it is immutable.

The only difference between Hitler and Bush is that Hitler was elected.

I want to make a difference.

Every individual matters. Every individual has a role to play. Every individual makes a difference.

Mr. DeMille’s theory of sexual difference was that marriage is an artificial state for women. The want to be taken, ruled, raped. That was his theory.