“If you think you have it tough, read history books.”

It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.

Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.

The Dalai Lama visited the White House and told the President that he could teach him to find a higher state of consciousness. Then after talking to Bush for a few minutes, he said, ‘You know what? Let’s just grab lunch.’

Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’

As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.

Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.

Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.

Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.

Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”

Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.

What I believe in is love your neighbor as yourself and don’t call him stupid because they don’t agree with you politically.

Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.

The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.

Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.

You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.

I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.

One who believes all of a book would be better off without books.

My library is an archive of longings.

The deity is within you, not in ideas and books. Truth is lived, not taught.

Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

I like a lot of talk in a book and I don’t like to have nobody tell me what the guy that’s talking looks like. I want to figure out what he looks like from the way he talks.

Books are the best friends you can have; they inform you, and entertain you, and they don’t talk back.

He whose book of the heart has been opened needs no other books.