A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG
Every book is a children’s book if the kid can read!
More Mitch Hedberg Quotes
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A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.
MITCH HEDBERG -
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so… yeah.’
MITCH HEDBERG -
I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations that I’ve traveled to. But first, I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won’t fall down.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I love my fed-ex guy cause he’s a drug dealer and he don’t even know it…and he’s always on time.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I was in a convenience store, reading a magazine. The clerk told me, “this is not a library!” “OK! I will talk louder, then!”
MITCH HEDBERG -
I haven’t slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I want to ride in a cold air balloon. “This isn’t going anywhere!”
MITCH HEDBERG -
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus or just a really cool opotamus?
MITCH HEDBERG -
I like cottage cheese. That’s why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I type a 101 words a minute. But it’s in my own language.
MITCH HEDBERG -
Why are there no “during” pictures?
MITCH HEDBERG -
Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I tried to throw a yo-yo away. It was impossible.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I don’t wear a watch because I want my arms to weigh the same.
MITCH HEDBERG -
I hate dreaming because when you want to sleep, you want to sleep. Dreaming is work. Next thing you know, I have to build a go-cart with my ex-landlord.
MITCH HEDBERG -
A friend said to me, “I think the weather is trippy.” I said, “No, man, it’s not the weather that’s trippy, perhaps it’s the way we perceive it.” And then I realized I just should have said, “Yeah.”
MITCH HEDBERG