If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHERThe reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Is it [hunting] really a sport if you have all the equipment and your opponent doesn’t know a game is going on?
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
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We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
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Beating Newt Gingrich in a popularity contest is like beating Stephen Hawking in ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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Let’s face it; God has a big ego problem. Why do we always have to worship him?
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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The First Amendment was specifically designed for citizens to insult politicians. Libel laws were written to protect law students speaking out on political issues from getting called whores by Oxycontin addicts.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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You can’t pray away global warming, and that’s the difference between religious people and sane people.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
BILL MAHER