Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHERWhat is it with conservatives? Seriously, I’m not trying to be partisan but it seems like if they’re anti-illegal alien, they have illegal aliens working for them. If they’re anti-gay, they turn out to be gay. If they’re super Christian, they’re a witch.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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I don’t respect religon. I don’t respect superstitious thinking and that is what religous is.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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Don’t get so tolerant that you tolerate intolerance.
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We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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If you have a gun, you can rob a bank, but if you have a bank, you can rob everyone.
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It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.
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America is like a dog. I’m sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can’t actually explain issues to a dog.
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The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology. Until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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I’m for the death penalty, I’m pro-abortion, I’m pro-assisted suicide, I’m pro-regular suicide. Anything that’ll get the traffic moving.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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You know, there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time, husband!!!
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
BILL MAHER