“Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.”

In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.

Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.

Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don’t need.

If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

Religion is insanity by consensus.

I don’t know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”

I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.

Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.

In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.

Halloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.

I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.

To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.

There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.

There is no debate here, just scientists and non-scientists. And since the subject is science, the non-scientists don’t get a vote.

A permissive government is a government that leaves control to other sources.

A permissive government is a government that leaves control to other sources.

The next time you’re disappointed, don’t panic. Don’t give up. Just be patient and let God remind you He’s still in control.

It is a mistake to suppose that the whole issue is how to free man. The issue is to improve the way in which he is controlled.

I really want people to understand that nobody is perfect and that things happen in life beyond our control.

Even when we lose control of everything around us, we still have control over our thoughts.

Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. To these I commit my day.

Happiness finds you when your means to control is out of the spotlight.