If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
BILL MAHERTo a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Atheism is a religion the way abstinence is a sex position.
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I think what’s dangerous is the idea that someone can wash away your sins.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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It’s not getting any better for the American people. It seems to be getting worse. That’s predictable; education is a cycle. Stupidity breeds more stupidity.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
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Have you ever met a war you didn’t love? I’m asking, is there any place you don’t want to intervene in?
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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I feel terrible for a Palestinian child who dies. But, if it’s your father, your brother or your uncle who was firing those rockets into Israel, whose fault is it really? Do you really expect the Israelis not to retaliate?
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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In an average moral universal society, good people will try to do the right thing, and psychotic people will do wicked things. But if you want to make good people do wicked things, you need them to be religious.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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I feel like I’m wearing orthopedic shoes, because I stand corrected.
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Just honest. To me, being ‘politically incorrect’ means the opposite of being political — which means to spin everything. That’s all it’s ever meant to me. It’s never meant liberal or conservative. It means honest.
BILL MAHER