Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHERWhen I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Trusting the government to monitor your calls without listening. It’s kind of like trusting Chris Christie to pick up the McDonald’s and not eat the fries on the way home.
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Maybe a president who didn’t believe our soldiers were going to heaven might be a little less willing to get them killed.
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Jim Bakker spells his name with two k’s because three would be too obvious.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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The answer isn’t another pill. The answer is spinach.
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At some point in the last 20 years, the left moved to the center, and the right moved into a mental institution.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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Who takes care of their people better? FEMA or Hezbollah?
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER -
In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
BILL MAHER