Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
BILL MAHERHalloween is a day when we all get to fool people into thinking we’re someone else. Or as Mitt Romney calls it, campaigning.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Some people think I enjoy debate. I don’t. I wish everyone agreed with me; it would save a lot of time.
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One of the advantages of atheism is takes so little of your time.
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You can always tell when Obama’s negotiations with the Republicans are winding down, because he’s missing his watch and his lunch money.
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Men are only as loyal as their options.
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They’re talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that’s used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can’t even smoke in bed.
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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False hope really makes you cynical.
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Did you see the 2000 Republican Presidential Convention? The last time the Republicans had that many Black people on a stage, they were selling them!
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Ninety percent of people support background checks. Which means even people who can’t pass a background check support background checks.
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Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
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Anyone who tells you that they know, they just know what happens when you die, I promise you, you dont. How can I be so sure? Because I dont know and you do not possess mental powers that I do not.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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The difference between the three Abrahamic religions: Christianity – mumbling to the ceiling, Judaism – mumbling to the wall, Islam – mumbling to the floor.
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Curious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
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In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
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The Drug War is an addiction, really.
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People have to stop saying that just because someone is an anti-gay activist they might be gay. They’re DEFINITELY GAY!!
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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There’s a phrase we live by in America: “In God We Trust”. It’s right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.
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God knows life sucks. It’s right there in the Bible. The book of Job is all about Job asking God to take away pain and misery. And God says, “I can’t take away pain and misery because then no one would talk to me.”
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During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
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Faith means the purposeful suspension of critical thinking. It’s nothing to be admired.
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If you want to get rich with a tax free enterprise that sells nothing, start a church.
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I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER