I don’t say that I’m an atheist. I don’t like that term, because I think it mirrors the certitude of religion. I say I don’t know. And if you don’t know – and you don’t – just man up and say you don’t know. Don’t turn to silly stories and ancient myths.
BILL MAHERFalse hope really makes you cynical.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he’s the only one in the world who treats me like I’m the Beatles.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
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The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
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If conservatives get to call universal healthcare ‘socialized medicine,’ I get to call private, for-profit healthcare ‘soulless, vampire bastards making money off human pain.’
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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Hot women have to stop putting long paragraphs of text on their bodies. I know you think it’s sexy but one thing that men never think is, “Gee, you know what would make this sex better? Having something to read.”
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?
BILL MAHER