The other day my house caught fire.
ALAN KINGAs life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
More Alan King Quotes
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My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
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It’s more fun with someone who really likes it. I can’t imagine having a lasting friendship with anyone who is not interested in food.
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You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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That’s the great thing about New Year’s, you get to be a year older.
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When I first saw Richard Pryor perform, I told him, ‘You’re doing a Jewish act.’
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We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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I didn’t know we were poor until I started giving interviews.
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Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.
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If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
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Let’s face it: It’s difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.
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My father helped me leave. He said, ‘It’s all out there, it’s not here.’
ALAN KING