Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
GROUCHO MARXWhile money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX